


all of you

by lovethevoid



Series: cynosure [1]
Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Sfw despite what my reputation may lead u to expect, Sharing a Bed, at least for now [eyes emoji]
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 18:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethevoid/pseuds/lovethevoid
Summary: is this love for real?





	all of you

Otto comes over because Awsten asks him to. Also, he wasn't really doing anything important. Also, Awsten was working on that cover, so maybe he wanted help with drum tracks. Also, maybe Otto was a little lonely, and maybe Awsten was the only person who had invited him anywhere since tour ended - even if it's just Awsten's tiny-ass apartment. He wasn't really in a position to say no.

It definitely isn't about being whipped for Awsten, because he isn't. Despite what Travis said, loudly, in front of Awsten. Otto's heart flipped just thinking about it. Christ, why did he hang out with these people? He pushes it out of his mind before he knocks on Awsten's door. Awsten's told him he doesn't need to knock anymore, because _we've been friends for eight years dude_ and _I'm tired of having to let you in_ , but it never felt right to Otto.

The door swung open. "Hey! You can let yourself in, y'know." Awsten says, grinning down at him. "Sick of having to let you and Geoff in all the time." He adds, and Otto thinks Awsten's pretty damn predictable. Or maybe they've just known each other for too long. Awsten turns away and goes back, shuffling socked feet on the wood floor, and Otto follows without hesitation.

"So, like, I'm working on this Head Automatica cover, right? And it's like, suuuper cool and jazzy." Awsten starts, dropping himself into his desk chair once they reach his bedroom. "Pretty sure the pop-punk scene will crucify me for this." He swivels towards his computer and features vaguely at the monitor before propping his chin on his hand. "I'm gonna track vocals in just a sec if you wanna stick around."

Otto hesitates, but sits at the edge of Awsten's unmade bed. "No, I figured I'd head home right after I got here." He deadpanned, taking delight in Awsten's immediate giggle. Awsten's laugh always made him smile. It was loud and wild and carefree, just like the rest of Awsten, and Otto admired it greatly. He watches Awsten's thin shoulders shake with laughter, underneath a sweater that's far too big, and hates the way his heart flutters. 

He can only wallow in his own emotion-hating misery for a few brief seconds before Awsten's up, adjusting some settings on his program before turning to the mic nearby. It's a pretty scarce arrangement, equipment haphazardly set up in his small room; there's cords all over the floor, organized in some uniquely Awsten way that Otto could never begin to understand. Otto stayed as still and quiet as he could manage, perched on Awsten's mattress, where Awsten sleeps, and oh God he shouldn't be thinking of-

The softness of Awsten's voice catches him off guard. It's uncommon for Awsten to sing like this, unstrained and steady, relaxed. Otto watches as Awsten doesn't know what to do with his hands, raising and dropping them with the pitch of the song, sleeves covering his palms. Otto could stare forever, studying the way Awsten moved, swaying slightly with the song, closing his eyes as he sang. Otto can't stand the way his chest constricts when he looks at Awsten, especially when he's doing something he's passionate about. His accent comes out more when he sings this way, soft and southern and barely-there if you're not listening for it.

Not that Otto's listening for it.

Awsten huffs at the end, stepping away from the mic. "Fuck, that sucked." He runs a hand absently through faded purple hair, pushing it away from his face. "I've got harmonies to do n' shit. This is gonna take forever." He laments. "I'm gonna get it done tonight, I swear."

It doesn't seem like Awsten's really talking to him, but Otto answers anyway. "I'll stay the whole time, if you want me to." He says and immediately regrets it. Too forward? What if Awsten thinks it's weird? They'd known each other for like, ten years, but still. What if-?

Awsten laughs, turning to face Otto head on. "It's gonna take awhile. All night, probably."

"I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow." Otto replies, relieved that Awsten didn't tell him to get fucked or anything. 

Awsten grins. "Oh, now you've done it. You're in it for the long haul with me." He says, stretching his arms above his head. His sweatpants sit low enough that Otto sees a flash of pale skin, the hint of a hipbone, gone as fast as it came. Otto thinks he's going to die, and then Awsten adds "Feel free to crash out in my bed if it gets too late for you, farm boy. Sure I'll join you eventually." and Otto _knows_ he's going to die.

Sute, they've slept in the same bed before, more than once. Those times, Otto's stomach never felt like it had knotted itself up beforehand, rendering him useless of completing normal human functions. He just nods too fast at Awsten and mentally promises himself that he absolutely will _not_ be sleeping in Awsten's bed tonight. Even though it's already late and his blankets look soft and warm and Awsten could lay beside him, soft and warm in his own right, and - Otto's mind is getting carried away again. He mentally berates himself just as Awsten starts another track.

\- - -

After the thousandth take (rough estimation), Awsten's invitation seems pretty good to Otto. No homo aside, he was tired, and Awsten wasn't letting up on himself. Sometimes he'd ask Otto what he thought, and Otto would shrug and tell him it all sounded good, and Awsten would roll his eyes and tell Otto to stop patronizing him. It was true, though: it all sounded beautiful to Otto's untrained ear. He wished Awsten felt the same.

It's around 4:30 when Otto gives up/in and scoots further back on Awsten's bed, bringing his knees to his chest. He's wearing jeans, and it'd sorta suck to sleep in them, but it's seeming more and more appealing as the time passes. Awsten's moved onto harmonies at least, and Otto's wondering if he's almost done as he straightens Awsten's blankets out for him. The lighting in his room is low, just a soft lamp and Awsten's monitor, and Otto's lids feel heavy.

Fuck it.

Otto lays down, pulling Awsten's blankets up and letting his eyes finally fall close. It's as warm as he hoped, and it smells like Awsten's laundry detergent, and Otto can't bring himself to care about anything else. He stays still, listening to Awsten's gentle voice, singing the same words Otto's heard all night. Otto has it memorized now, and some part of him wants to sing along. He'd ruin Awsten's track if he did, so he stays quiet and motionless so the old mattress doesn't creak beneath his weight.

As tired as we has, sleep wasn't coming easy. Not even with Awsten singing and talking softly to himself and humming and clicking his mouse and all the other background noise he makes. Otto stays to one side of the bed, just in case Awsten meant it when he said he would join. Otto sorta wants him to. Sorta hopes he will, even if that's wrong for Otto to hope for. And is it wrong, anyway? He never really cared about the whole 'liking guys' thing, because he didn't really have any religious guilt trauma associated with it or anything. Maybe Awsten did. Otto didn't know.

It wasn't about liking a boy. It was about liking _Awsten_. Erratic, loud, talented Awsten. Who he's definitely known too long to just now be having some dumb high school crush on (just now? How long has it been since-), so he doesn't. He won't let himself, because that'd ruin their friendship and the band and everything else. Awsten was so _soft_ underneath all the chaos - he didn't like admitting it, but things with Ciara left him raw.

It's been a year and a half since Awsten called him that night, sobbing through the receiver, incomprehensible. Otto had never heard it before, and hadn't heard it since. It was overwhelming, trying to draw information out of Awsten when he was like that. They were on the phone for hours until Awsten tired himself enough to just pass out. Since then, Awsten's avoided romance. He's fragile and strange, and Otto is confused and unlucky, and nothing would ever work out.

There's too much on his mind now, thoughts swirling through his head at a hundred miles an hour. Awsten's not singing but Otto can hear him working over there, getting everything perfect, and Otto briefly wonders what time it is by now. Even through his sleep-addled mind, he knows it's late, and Awsten's shuffling around. Soon enough, the bed dips beside him, blankets being lifted and slid underneath. Otto's heart races as Awsten scoots a little closer, and Otto debates saying hi or not, but then Awsten's head is on his chest, his arm around Otto's torso, and he lets out a sigh.

"Are you up?" Awsten whispers, but he's never been very good at _quiet_ , so it's sort of a stage whisper. Otto tries not to laugh.

"Yeah." Otto says, keeping his arms to his sides. How does he hold Awsten? Should he even try to? Can Awsten hear his heart? Is he gonna call him out for that? Fuck, what if-

Awsten hums. "Sorry if I kept you up. Very busy getting jazzy over there." He says, shifting a little against Otto. Otto opens his mouth to answer, but Awsten continues. "It's done, though, so you can sleep now." There's a smile in his voice now, and Otto's heart skips a beat.

"Wow. You're so gracious, Aws." Otto answers flatly, and Awsten shakes through a laugh against him. Otto smiles to himself, letting one of his arms lay over Awsten's extended one, his other hand moving to Awsten's hair. He's tentative, but Awsten doesn't fuss, just sighs again as Otto stokes his hair gently, near the nape of his neck. "It sounded really good." Otto says, and Awsten huffs, squeezing Otto once. Otto's beyond tense, like he's two seconds away from getting up and leaving, but Awsten's a reassuring weight against him, steady and still. 

"Thanks. I hope Rock Sound thinks so." Awsten replies, still in a whisper. His hand curls absently into a fist against Otto's chest, beside his face, and he closes his eyes. It's dark but there's enough illuminance from the street light through thin curtains that Otto can just barely make Awsten's face out; the long lashes, high cheekbones, the curve of his nose. He looks peaceful, at least.

Otto gets another dull surge of emotion. He only berates himself for a second, letting his hand rest on the back of Awsten's neck, before he lets out a breath and forces himself to relax slightly, to let his guard down. "Well, I love it." _I love you_.

Awsten makes a soft sound of acknowledgement and appreciation, before he says "Go to sleep, asshole. I'll make you eggs in the morning." and Otto feels like he's going to explode. 

He holds back on mentioning that it's already technically morning, because he knows Awsten would scoff and roll his eyes and say that he doesn't care, indignant as always, and Otto would smile and bite his tongue and try not to _wish_ too much. He wished he could like Awsten, and that Awsten could like him, and that they could kiss and hold hands and call each other dumb pet names (because god, does Otto love giving pet names). 

Mostly, he wished he didn't feel this way.

(and maybe Travis was a tiny bit right about him being whipped)

He falls into a light, restless sleep, every nerve ending under his skin burning with the contact he shares with Awsten. If anything, he had a beautiful person on his chest and eggs to look forward to in a few hours, and he was as content as he could be.

**Author's Note:**

> see, not everything i write is porn !!! i swear !!!
> 
> debating if this needs a pt2 or not 🤔
> 
> rpf tumblr: notwxrriors


End file.
